acejack
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Post by acejack on Mar 18, 2012 23:37:39 GMT -5
Chapter One: People that want to race on the highway.
The I-215 Beltway around Las Vegas is always full of characters. My least favorite are the people who sit in an office all day taking shit from their boss and decide to start little petty altercations at highway speeds. Now I'm a fast driver, but I'm a safe driver. I average about 80-85. Sometimes a little faster if I'm getting take-out up North and I want it to slightly resemble what I ordered by the time I get home.
It always starts the same. I swear I get a feeling that it's going to happen and when it does I can't help but get a laugh. I'm cruising along, and suddenly I come up on a muscle car riding in the left lane about 70 (usually a Mustang, usually California plates, usually a TAPOUT sticker taking up the whole back window).
Instead of being a hard-on and climbing up their back bumper, I politely go to pass on the right, changing lanes before I'm within 500 feet of them, and as soon as I'm up to their blind spot, Doug Doucher drops it into 4th gear and floors it. (*sigh*)
In the old days, I would take the idiot's bait and see how committed they were to the idea. My problem was, I'll take the asshole further than he's willing or able to go. Yeah that muscle car has a little more boost than my Audi from 70 to 80 and 80 to 90 but as we get up to 100 I'm inching up on them, approaching 110 and we're neck and neck, they're deciding how far they really want to take this, when WWEEERRRVV, they're jerked back in their seats as their car's engine cuts out on them.
Bye bye shitdick! Sorry, I forgot to tell you my little 4-door sedan doesn't do that. Though I've actually had guys try to maintain only to realize that they're already too far behind and cannot attain the speed required to overtake and pass. (Though by that point, we're usually both long past our exits and politely wave to each other as we turn around at Lone Mountain.)
Now recently, I've decided to make it a game they're not expecting and instead of trying to pass them, I just park myself in their blind spot and match their speed exactly. It turns out people enjoy racing more when they can see the car they're racing against.
In summation, please just let me go. I'm not passing you out of disrespect or as an affront to your manhood. I'm just in a hurry. These Crab Rangoon have a limited fucking window. I promise you won't be a moment's memory as I weave past some other la-de-da moron parked in the left lane up ahead.
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flats
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Post by flats on Mar 19, 2012 1:17:13 GMT -5
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acejack
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cogito ergo doleo
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Post by acejack on Mar 19, 2012 1:21:18 GMT -5
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Diz
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Post by Diz on Mar 19, 2012 7:19:27 GMT -5
People i hate in Vegas  |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2012 12:11:10 GMT -5
Chapter 2: Impatient assholes that pass me when I'm cruising in the left lane
I hate changing lanes. Therefore, I simply keep it in the left lane and drive 1 MPH over the posted speed limit. Other drivers shouldn't be speeding. It's against the law.
Sometimes semis pass me on the right at 0.25 MPH faster than I am driving. That's OK because they're speeding too.
Occasionally, an asshole will come charging up behind me, then veer to the right lane, and quite frankly -- I floor it just to prove that I can drive fast, too.
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acejack
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cogito ergo doleo
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Post by acejack on Mar 19, 2012 12:19:20 GMT -5
Jar Jar Button: What are you, brainless? The terrorist, code named V lives in London, not Las Vegas.
Javvy Binks: How fast have you had that Beemer up to?
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Diz
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Post by Diz on Mar 19, 2012 12:21:27 GMT -5
you live in vegas and its your avi. duh
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Diz
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Post by Diz on Mar 19, 2012 12:21:52 GMT -5
i hate having to explain things to the mentally challenged
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acejack
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cogito ergo doleo
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Post by acejack on Mar 19, 2012 13:05:30 GMT -5
Did your Grandma ever tell you stories about my cock?
You know, a lot of guys used to say that she was a bum lay, but I didn't think so. You just have to know how to stoke that fire. I'll tell you one thing, she never needed lube for me.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2012 13:53:50 GMT -5
Javvy Binks: How fast have you had that Beemer up to? 95 -- like you -- I drive aggressively but safely. In a 70MPH speed zone I roll at 80 - 85mph. I can't stand drivers that stay in the left lane regardless of speed. |
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Diz
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Post by Diz on Mar 19, 2012 14:02:31 GMT -5
i've had the mini-van up to 110 and the mustang only to 105.
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Mikey33
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Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, Wendler, myself... we all have the beard.
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Post by Mikey33 on Mar 19, 2012 14:29:16 GMT -5
which Audi do you have Ace? And what engine?
I have that 2.5L I5 in the Jetta - just got new tires and an alignment, it's on rails now.
My favorite are the dickheads that are so far up my ass that they can't see the car in front of me is who is slowing us down. I usually wait for things to line up, switch to the right hand lane, let the asshole behind me get next to me before they realize there is a car in front of them and now a car behind me so they can't follow on the right hand pass.
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acejack
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cogito ergo doleo
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Post by acejack on Mar 19, 2012 15:08:20 GMT -5
A6 Quatrro 2.8L
I got bitchin' tires (I think Pirelli) a few years back. It always handled great, but now it's just glued to the road. That's what scary about some of these butt nuts in the muscle cars. If they didn't opt for the performance package, they're riding on the same compound Diz's minivan is.
I know for a fact that I'm holding tight doing 100 around a banked turn, them not so much. Often times I'll cut all the way to the inside and shorten the track while they're barely holding on in the outside lane. All wheel drive helps that too.
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Diz
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Post by Diz on Mar 19, 2012 15:19:20 GMT -5
fucking terrorist. buy american
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acejack
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cogito ergo doleo
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Post by acejack on Mar 31, 2012 17:56:36 GMT -5
I hate changing lanes. Therefore, I simply keep it in the left lane and drive 1 MPH over the posted speed limit. Other drivers shouldn't be speeding. It's against the law. Sometimes semis pass me on the right at 0.25 MPH faster than I am driving. That's OK because they're speeding too. My god, I was stuck behind this exact asshole this afternoon. Doing 64-1/2 in the left lane, riding alongside the cab of a semi. I had a little tear run down my cheek when I realized that the truck was starting to pass him. Dropped all the way back and passed them both in an exit lane. |
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flats
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Post by flats on Apr 1, 2012 19:18:55 GMT -5
I hate changing lanes. Therefore, I simply keep it in the left lane and drive 1 MPH over the posted speed limit. Other drivers shouldn't be speeding. It's against the law. Sometimes semis pass me on the right at 0.25 MPH faster than I am driving. That's OK because they're speeding too. My god, I was stuck behind this exact asshole this afternoon. Doing 64-1/2 in the left lane, riding alongside the cab of a semi. I had a little tear run down my cheek when I realized that the truck was starting to pass him. Dropped all the way back and passed them both in an exit lane. When this happens to me I pretend the button on my parking brake fires missiles. --clicketyclicketyclickclickclick-- Then I take comfort in that fact that in SOME other dimension or parallel universe my parking brake button does exactly that, and these fucks are smoldering bits of carrion right about now. |
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acejack
Administrator
cogito ergo doleo
Posts: 12,792
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Post by acejack on Apr 1, 2012 20:59:47 GMT -5
My god, I was stuck behind this exact asshole this afternoon. Doing 64-1/2 in the left lane, riding alongside the cab of a semi. I had a little tear run down my cheek when I realized that the truck was starting to pass him. Dropped all the way back and passed them both in an exit lane. When this happens to me I pretend the button on my parking brake fires missiles. --clicketyclicketyclickclickclick-- Then I take comfort in that fact that in SOME other dimension or parallel universe my parking brake button does exactly that, and these fucks are smoldering bits of carrion right about now. Remember these?  |
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Mikey33
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1 fuck left to give
Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, Wendler, myself... we all have the beard.
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Post by Mikey33 on Apr 2, 2012 8:29:35 GMT -5
My god, I was stuck behind this exact asshole this afternoon. Doing 64-1/2 in the left lane, riding alongside the cab of a semi. I had a little tear run down my cheek when I realized that the truck was starting to pass him. Dropped all the way back and passed them both in an exit lane. When this happens to me I pretend the button on my parking brake fires missiles. --clicketyclicketyclickclickclick-- Then I take comfort in that fact that in SOME other dimension or parallel universe my parking brake button does exactly that, and these fucks are smoldering bits of carrion right about now. VW Mark IV's came with these options:  |
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acejack
Administrator
cogito ergo doleo
Posts: 12,792
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Post by acejack on Apr 5, 2012 2:22:03 GMT -5
Chapter Two: My Smarmy Neighbor God I hate this fucking guy. He looks EXACTLY like the dickhead prosecutor from Dragon Tattoo 3. I hate his fat Asian wife as well, though to a lesser degree.  The house next door to us is this little 1400 sq ft piece of shit that's sat unoccupied for at least two years. We took a tour of the place a year ago and decided in 8 seconds it's too fucking small. A few months ago the realty signs came down and a bunch of trucks started filing in, doing drywall, painting and finish work. A few weeks later, we come home from Tae Kwon Do and there's a moving truck in front of the house. As we're going to get the mail, we pass by their house and my Daughter says "Hi" to them. The woman answers "Hi" back but the husband just looks at her like he's puzzled what they might have said back and forth. I welcome them to the neighborhood and again it's met by an awkward reply. Weeks go by and I wave to the guy, give him a nod as I drive by, etc. Not once does he return the salutation. The other day I hear him in his backyard talking on the phone to someone about all the shitbag renters in the neighborhood when he bought the smallest house on the block. I tell my wife: "I know we're moving out of here, but if this faggot ignores one more greeting from me, I'll beat his ass in the street in front of his house." Coincidentally, I passed him on the way back from getting the mail today and said: "Hey, how you doing?" and he said: "Good, how are you?" -- I'm so glad he did. We were on our way to sign our taxes and that would have inevitably delayed us. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2012 6:57:00 GMT -5
You never know. He could end up being your best friend.
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acejack
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cogito ergo doleo
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Post by acejack on Apr 9, 2012 2:35:44 GMT -5
You never know. He could end up being your best friend. Unlikely. |
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Post by BrownstotheBone on Apr 10, 2012 20:33:05 GMT -5
O.K. I have one.
The bastards that got past the gate at my apartment complex and stole my Acura back in Vegas.
Only to be called 10 days later and told it was up at Ewing Bros. towing/salvage yard.
So I drive up there (in a borrowed car) and find it completely stripped from header to floorboard and sitting on 4 spare tire donuts.
Everything gone. Nothing but a metal shell. A pro job obviously to part out the car.
So the people in the office tell me it's been sitting here for a week and I owe them $158.00 or something. I said the cars no good to me, it's stripped.
So they tell me I can PAY them $110.00 to TAKE my title. Otherwise they turn me into collections.
So You guessed it. I ended up PAYING to have my car stolen. Fuckers.
I hate the assholes that took my car, the cops that found it on the street and then called the tow yard (but didn't call me) and the tow yard for CHARGING my ass to leave my raped vehicle with them.
(the car was an 87 Integra California Special but was in near mint condition. The interior was spotless and the exterior was damn close. I bought it from a guy that babied it and never missed a service.
I had 200,000 miles on it by then but it didn't burn a drop of oil and purred like a kitten. Because of the blue book value I only had liability insurance on it so it was a total loss for me)
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acejack
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cogito ergo doleo
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Post by acejack on Apr 11, 2012 2:15:50 GMT -5
You lived in the Peccole Ranch/Camden Del Mar area, right?
My parents live in Sun City Summerlin and twice have had their vehicles broken into. Frankly, they're lucky that's all as those Sun Cities are a burglar's paradise.
I (knock on wood) have had no such experiences. Apparently we live in a great neighborhood. I've left my wallet in the center console in an unlocked truck more than once, and my Audi actually sat open with the keys on the passenger seat for a week.
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Post by BrownstotheBone on Apr 11, 2012 4:23:37 GMT -5
No. I was in Angel Park apts. Westcliff and Durango. Up by the golf course and the Sun Coast Casino.
Used to stop over there and grab a parlay before I headed over to the Tap House on Sundays.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2012 6:21:05 GMT -5
So You guessed it. I ended up PAYING to have my car stolen. Fuckers.  |
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